Nurse Betty

It only took about 24 hours before the call came in that I had cancer.  "Do you have a minute to talk, Megan?"  I was still convinced the doctor only wanted a "minute to talk" because she was kind and knew I was going to have tons of questions about this benign tumor thing inside of me.  Boy was I wrong.  That conversation went as you can imagine.  Megan asking questions, doctor trying to answer them, but having such little information.  Looking back on the situation this is how I imagine it going down - 1.) Pathologist takes one look at my biopsy, not even a look, just a glance really, then looks at their peon next to them and says, "she's got IT, she tested positive, call her doctor NOW!" 2.) Peon picks up phone next to them and calls doctor 3.) Doctor answers, hangs up, calls me

The next day, Thursday, I was en route to a treat yo'self day at the movies with my $3.50 popcorn and $3.50 pop in tow when the phone rang.  I've got this hospital number down pat by now.  The thing about the number though, is when it rings, you don't have any idea who will be on the other end, just that it's cancer related.  Anyway, so I answer and this woman immediately starts talking at a fast rate.  I have no idea what she is saying.  Monday.  Be there.  Be there all day.  Bring someone.  Park in P1, where you parked for your biopsy.  Ummm... whoops, we parked in P2 for the biopsy and long story short, it was a 15 minute shit show of Patrick, Matt, and I getting on and off of elevators, climbing stairs, asking people, and somehow eventually finding where we were going, only to look out the window and see "P1" parking right outside our final destination.  Half-way through the shit show Patrick says, "We have 4 people with college degrees, you'd think we could figure this out."  Yes, you read that right, he said 4, we were only 3.  Perhaps that was our problem?

The main take away from Nurse Betty, which I finally got at the end of the conversation, was I would be receiving a package in the mail.  This package should arrive the next day(!) or Saturday(!) at the latest(!).  In this exciting package I would find a cancer book, a real quick 8 page health questionnaire, and an informational DVD!  The way I took her telling me about this was like it was the most exciting thing on earth - "the package will arrive via UPS, they'll deliver it right to your door!  Yes, you heard that right, right to your doorstep!  Come on down, you're the next contestant on The Price is Right!  What do you win?!  A weellccooome to caaaannnccceer packet!"  I have to admit, I was slightly disappointed when I opened the packet and it didn't say, "So, you have cancer" on the front.  That's what I was hoping for.  It arrived on Saturday.